The Sock Version of the Monkey's Paw - Otherwise Known As Cody's Story

The day Cody joined the leagues of the undead started like every other day in the school year. Well, almost.

I got up and slipped on the smoking jacket Kande had made for me out of an old dress of her grandmother’s. I loved the slick feel of the wildly patterned polyester beneath my paws. I put it on over my usual school uniform because today was the day I was going to impress a Barbie. Any Barbie.

Sure, Barbies didn’t usually go for Sock Monkeys. They hadn’t yet formed an appreciation for our gangly forms, our large protruding ears, or our Mick Jagger-style lips. I was hoping to change all that by appealing to the Barbies’ love of modern, stylish clothing.

I had just draped myself over the front steps of the Sock Sister home when Cody jogged up, his backpack thudding against the extra padding Kande had applied to his rear end. He was holding up his black felt shorts with one hand, and trying to tuck in his white felt shirt with the other. The tie knotted around his neck flopped from side to side as he ran up to me and skidded to a stop, tripped over a rock, and fell flat on his face.

“Hey, Stan. Whoa. Way hot smoking jacket,” he gasped as he rolled over to gape at me.
I gave him a knowing smirk. “I know. No Barbie will be able to resist me.” I turned so he could see my profile, and placed a cigarette to my lips.

Cody almost turned himself into a knot trying to place as much space between us as possible. “Stan! You know what fire does to socks!” he gasped. “We’re highly flammable.”

“Don’t be a footie, it’s not lit. It’s just for effect.” I held it up again to my mouth and squinted at him. With this look, Barbies would be teetering towards me on their perpetually arched feet from all directions.

Cody sulked. “I wish someone would make me a smoking jacket.” Ha. In his dreams. Kande would never make Cody a smoking jacket; the best thing Kande could do for Cody was learn how to put in elastic. Cody was forever losing his pants. Except for my smoking jacket, Kande only used felt to make clothes for all the Socks and she never put in waistbands.

Even if Kande could change her ways, Cody couldn’t possibly be trusted with the awe-inspiring hotness that was the smoking jacket. With his swollen upper lip, jagged teeth, wild yarn hair, and propensity for droopy drawers Cody didn’t need a smoking jacket because he’d never attract a Barbie. The Barbies went for the elite toys: the GI Joe’s, the talking robots, and the Ken’s. The Ken’s were so attractive to them, it wasn’t at all surprising to see an entire gaggle of Barbies flocked around one. So what was a smitten sock monkey like myself to do? Get a smoking jacket and hike up his hotness factor, that’s what. The Barbies knew their clothing.

As the two of us strolled toward school, my pride in the smoking jacket and the thought of the Barbies it would attract made me push out my chest higher and higher until I felt I towered over Cody. He didn’t seem to notice, rambling on about a basketball game the night before between the newest socks and the older sock monkeys. I was practicing my cigarette handling, when we turned the corner and my heart suddenly sped up. There was a whole flock of Barbies tittering on the front steps of the school, and nary a Ken or GI Joe in sight.

“It’s now or never, Cody,” I breathed, holding my cigarette to the side and hiking up my backpack with the other hand. Cody never even glanced at the Barbies. His entire attention was on an ice cream truck parked on the street corner.

“Stan! They’ve got that new flavor everyone’s talking about. Sock n’ dots!” Cody had just grabbed my sleeve as I was lifting the cigarette to my lips. I felt something tear.

“Cody! What have you done?” I whipped around and gasped when I spotted a miniscule tear in the fabric by my elbow. My chance of impressing the Barbies was gone; they’d never go for someone who wasn’t immaculately dressed. “You moron!”

I shoved Cody with all my strength, which I’m sorry to say, isn’t much. He teetered on the edge of the curb and it was then I heard the rumble of the school bus coming towards us. I turned to look and out of the corner of my eye saw Cody tumble towards the middle of the street as he tried to regain his footing. My eyes widened and I felt my heart leap towards my mouth. “CODY! NOOOOO!”

It was too late. Cody disappeared under the wheels of the bus.

The Wheels of the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round

I’ll never forget those first few moments when I stared in horror at my best friend, who was now just a limp sock in the middle of the street. All sound receded. All I could hear was my heart thumping in my ears and faint echoes of my scream from when I saw the wheels roll over my buddy. The Barbies had all turned as one at my scream, and stood in a line at the curb, watching me as I took my first tentative steps towards my friend. There was no way he could have survived the flattening from the bus. I fell on my knees and screamed at the heavens, “No, no, no, no, no! Why Cody? Why Lord, did you take my best friend?” I was still sobbing on his limp chest when the Sock Sisters arrived and took me away.

The Devil You Meet

When I arrived at the funeral home with a pair of Cody’s best pants, I discovered the Sock Sisters had beat me to it. Kande was trying to wrestle Cody’s limp form into a new pair of black felt pants, while Heidi was arguing with her about using a Superman costume she’d found at the Build-A-Bear workshop in the mall. Truth was, Cody would have loved the Superman costume and while alive would have worn it to school under his school uniform. He was weird that way. If I’d been any kind of friend I would have dressed him in the smoking jacket as a final gesture– especially when I considered its part in his demise – but I was still oddly reluctant to part with it. The Barbies loved funerals, there was still a good chance I’d snag a sympathetic one.

The Sock Sisters stopped their babbling when they saw me standing there. Heidi’s eyes filled with tears, while Kande stepped back with her arms crossed across her chest.

“Oh, Stan,” Heidi hugged me until my stuffing squeaked in protest. She drew back so she could look me in the eyes. “It was an accident. You didn’t mean to murder Cody.”

I opened my mouth to tell her I was no murderer, but then sealed my lips together. It was true. I’d murdered my best friend, and for what? To impress a Barbie. I glanced over at Kande who looked a tad murderous herself.

“Is that a tear I see in your new smoking jacket?” she snarled, as she grabbed my elbow. “It is! This is why I try to stick to felt!” she informed Heidi, roughly shrugging me out of the jacket and taking out a needle and some thread.

“Oh please. As if the Socks couldn’t rip felt just as easily,” Heidi turned her back on her sister and adjusted the doll pillow under Cody’s body. The Sisters hadn’t had time to make a coffin, so they’d put him in a coffin-shaped lunchbox.

Kande bit off the thread with a snip from her protruding front teeth and handed me back the jacket. “Here. Good as new.”

I knotted the tie of the jacket tightly around my waist, and fingered the cigarette butt I’d tucked into the front pocket. I wanted to have some time alone with Cody’s body to tell him my regrets and say my good-byes. As if they’d read my mind, the sisters decided at that moment they were both hungry and needed some sustenance before the funeral.

“Don’t you forget to eat too, Stan,” Heidi wagged a finger in my face as she prepared to leave. “I’m sure Cody wouldn’t have wanted you to faint before you gave his eulegy.”

The room was silent after the sisters clattered their way down the hall. Too quiet. I wound my way slowly over to the coffin lunchbox and stared down at my best friend. I was so intent on trying not to sob, I didn’t even hear the stranger tiptoe over to me on silent sock feet.

“Looks like you’re going to miss him,” a smooth, melodious voice purred in my ear.

Startled, I jerked back to see who was talking to me. The stranger had a red sock body, horns and a tail, a black cape and a strip of black goatee dotting his chin. “Yeah…I, I am going to miss him.”

“What would you say if I told you it didn’t have to be this way? That you could have your friend back?” The stranger gave me an intense, bold stare as he said this, as if gauging my character.

“What do you mean? Look at him, he’s dead.” I swept my hand towards Cody’s limp sock body. “He’s beyond help.”

“He’s not beyond my help. “ The stranger informed me as he smoothed the goatee on his chin. He snapped his fingers and a little black sock dude materialized next to him. “Dave, give it to me.”

“Sure, Boss.” Dave’s bloodshot eyes appraised me as he lifted his stumpy arm and handed the red stranger something.

“Behold! The monkey’s paw!” the red guy intoned, flourishing the object beneath my nose while sweeping his cape behind him.

“Ack! Uncle Fester!” I covered my mouth in horror. I recognized that paw. Uncle Fester had lost it in the Battle of the Banana last November.

The red guy smacked his forehead. “Hell’s bells, Dave, why didn’t you think of that? Hand me something else.”

“Sure, Boss.” The little Black dude rummaged in his pockets and came up with something white and furry.

“Behold! The lucky rabbit’s foot!” the red guy began, once again shoving the object in my face.

“Gah! Binky!” I gaped in horror. I always wondered what had happened to our pet rabbit from my childhood. Obviously, these guys had a serious paw fetish.

The red guy threw Binky’s foot on the ground, stomped his feet, and gnashed his teeth. Then he started bitch slapping poor Dave. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, presentation is everything!” he screamed. “Now, get me something I can use.”

Dave mopped his face with an enormous hanky he pulled out of nowhere and started rummaging in his pockets. “Gee boss…” he stuttered.

“NOW!” the red guy thundered and to my amazement, shot a flash of flame from his pinky finger at Dave’s feet, while Dave did a passable imitation of the Rumba to escape the flames.

“Say…who are you guys?” I asked. I had my suspicions.

The red guy calmed down immediately. “I have hundreds of names…” he began.

“Enough with the small talk,” I informed him. “Let’s just call you Satan.” I turned to the little black dude who was still feverishly sorting through a pile of junk he’d compiled from turning out his pockets. “And you are…?”

“Oh! Demon Dave, at your service, Sir,” he told me, putting out a hand to shake mine.

Satan slapped his hand. “The jig’s up, Dave. He knows who we are. We’re not here to make friends, let’s get down to business.” He turned to me, rubbing his hands together. “What would you give me to have your friend come back to life?”

“What would I give you? What was up with all the dismembered body parts? Seems to me you were trying to give me something,” I spat at him.

Satan waved his hand. “Oh, those. I just need something to focus on when I bring Socks back to life. Dave, have you found anything yet?”

Dave looked triumphant. “I found a lucky charm marshmallow!”

Satan grabbed the stale, grubby marshmallow from Dave’s paw. “Hmmph. Guess that will have to do.“ He peered at me. “Do we have a deal?”

I crossed my arms. “What would I have to give you? I’m not handing over my soul.”

“Pshaw. You shoved your friend out in front of a bus. Your soul is as good as mine,” he squinted his eyes and looked thoughtful. “However…I don’t have a smoking jacket, and that’s a pretty snazzy one you’re wearing.” He came closer and fingered the fabric on the lapels. “Don’t you think I’d look pretty good wearing this in Hell, Dave?”

“You’d be hot, Boss.” Dave started snuffling and squeaking, and I realized this was his version of a laugh.

I looked down at my smoking jacket. I rubbed a loving paw down the length of it and sighed. I was the one who murdered Cody; I was the one who was responsible then for bringing him back to life. Still, I didn’t think Cody would have wanted me to forfeit my chance to date a Barbie. “No deal.”

Satan’s mouth dropped open. “What?! You defy the Prince of Darkness?” he roared.

I shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not like anyone really expects Cody to come back to life. Kande can always make me another buddy. Besides, this jacket is my only chance at snagging a Barbie.”

Satan started chortling and holding his sides. Dave hesitated, then started his snuffly, squeaky laugh too. Pretty soon the two of them were rolling on the floor next to the coffin.

“What’s so funny?” I asked. I was not amused. Getting laid isn’t as easy as it sounds for a Sock Monkey. The smoking jacket was my only chance.

Satan stood up, wiping his eyes on the hem of his cape. “Your soul is blacker than I thought. What if I brought your buddy back to life AND made you irresistible to babes?”

I instantly held out my paw. “It’s a deal.”

We shook and then Satan pointed the pinky finger again and the jacket was instantly transported to his body.

“Hey! What about our deal?” Satan laughed and pointed at the lunchbox casket. It was empty.
I panicked. “Where’s Cody? What did you do with him?”

“Boss! Help!” I whipped around to see Cody gnawing on Demon Dave’s leg. “Get him off me!” Demon Dave whipped his leg out of Cody’s maw and then patted at the slobber dripping down his ankle with his hanky. Cody stood blank-eyed and drooling next to him.

“Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute. I thought you said you’d bring Cody back to life.”

Satan smirked. “I did. At least, he’s no longer dead.” Satan pranced out of my reach, preening in front of the coffin in his (my) smoking jacket.

“He’s a zombie.” I studied Cody somberly. Hmm. I’d be the first person in my class to have a zombie as his best buddy. As I watched Cody list sideways around the room, drooling and groaning, I realized that he’d be more like a pet. I could buy him a spiked collar and walk him around town on a dog leash. I turned back to Satan. “I have to admit this seems to have some cool possibilities.”

“Oh, it does. It certainly does.” Satan bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

We didn’t have time to explore this further when the doors opened and Socks and various other toys started pouring in for the funeral, followed by the Sock Sisters. As soon as they set foot in the door, babes from all directions started flying at me.

The problem was, they were “babes” in the true sense of the word. Baby dolls were coming at me from all directions.

Satan ducked as a Cabbage Patch doll came flying overhead and stuck to my body like glue. “Oops.”

The Sock Sisters wound up having to cancel the funeral, partly because there was no longer a body, but also because I’d become a risk to everyone around me.

The next morning I woke up with a wet spot in bed. A Betsy Wetsy doll was naked next to me, one hand held coyly to her mouth.

“AAAAHHHH!” I screamed. This babe magnet stuff was for the birds.