The Socks Get Political

“Well, I know who I’m voting for,” Stan announced to the group one day, after spending half the afternoon on the computer.

Kande crammed another chip into her already full mouth. “Oo?”

“Kandemonkey!” Stan announced proudly. “I found his blog http://monkey4prez.blogspot.com/. He seems really current on the issues and get this: He’s a monkey!”

Kande swallowed hastily. “Maybe she’s a monkey.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. Here’s a picture of him.” He holds out a piece of paper, and everyone crowds closer to get a better look. Satan even shoves Demon Dave out of the way to peer at the picture.

“That looks like some guy in a sock monkey mask,” Satan says skeptically.

“Oof. Talk about putting lipstick on a pig,” Heidi smirks.

“No, all sock monkeys’ lips are like that,” Stan informs her innocently.

“I think Kandemonkey looks like quite a catch,” Kande says staunchly. “And would probably make an excellent president. There is a bowling alley in the White House, right?”

“I’m sure KANDEmonkey would like that,” Heidi says sarcastically. “Speaking of which,” she grabs the paper out of Stan’s hands and holds it next to Kande’s oversized head, “does this remind you of anyone?”

“Uncle Fritz!” Stan pipes up in an excited voice. “It looks just like my Uncle Fritz.”

“Kandemonkey looks like a monkey’s uncle?” Satan said incredulously.

Heidi chuckles. “I’d be a monkey’s uncle if kandemonkey was your uncle.”

“You’re kandemonkey’s uncle?” Stan’s little French knot eyes get big and round.

“No, er…it’s just an expression.” Heidi explains. “It means I’d be surprised if kandemonkey turned out to be a sock monkey.”

Stan, Satan, Cody, and Demon Dave look at her expectantly.

“What? WHAT?” Heidi asks.

“You’re acting as if you know the illustrious kandemonkey,” Satan tells her. “Do tell.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“I’m not the one being a donkey’s ass,” Satan tells her. “Or a monkey’s uncle, or a dog’s paw. Who is kandemonkey?”

“It’s obviously…” Heidi begins.

“Oh, look at the time!” Kande exclaims, jumping up from the couch and spilling her bag of chips. “Time for Socks to go to bed!”

They all look at her. “It’s 4:30 in the afternoon.”

She clears her throat. “Right. So what kind of platform does kandemonkey have?”

“Let’s go look!” Stan says enthusiastically, and then leads the way as they all troop to the office computer and watch over Stan’s shoulder as he pulls up the website.

“Look, kandemonkey’s standing on a platform. Is that a gallows?” Satan asks gleefully.

“What? What kind of person stands on a gallows to deliver a message?” Heidi peers over Stan’s shoulder and then glares at her sister. “A very sick one, that’s who.”

“I like it,” Satan gloats. “And look, the running mate is Tanya Harding!”

Stan and Demon Dave looked at him. “Who?”

“The figure skater who’s husband kicked Nancy Kerrigan in the knee.” Satan stroked the screen. “She’s one of mine,” he said fondly.

“Ew. That’s a real vote of confidence,” Heidi moaned.

“I like it,” Stan announces decisively. “Kandemonkey needs a heavy hitter behind her. Vote for kandemonkey!” He starts marching around the room, pumping his paw in the air. Demon Dave joins him and pretty soon all the sock critters are having themselves a little rally. Kande watches from the sidelines with a big grin on her face, while Heidi rests her face in her hands.