We're Celebrities!

Stan gives his ears a final pat, and smoothes down the front of his plaid, polyester smoking jacket. Behind him, Satan and Demon Dave jostle for the mirror.

"Hell's Bells, Dave. You're covered in cat fur," Satan admonishes his minion while licking his finger and running it over his thin goatee and mustache. A final twitch to his black cape and he pronounces himself as the handsomest Sock Creature on the face of the planet.

"Critter," Dave informs him absently as he frantically tries to brush away all the cat fur adhering to his little black sock body.

"Pardone moi?" Satan asks him politely, although his eyes are slitted and his trigger finger is poised for battle.

"Heidi called us sock critters in her Xmas newsletter," Dave tells him nervously. The last thing he needs now is a singed ear on the eve of his chance at celebrity status. He is saved from just that by the entrance of Kande, grody from not yet having a shower. Her short hair sticks up on one side, her eyes are crusted with sleep boogers, and her breath reeks. Her haphazardly sewn boxer shorts are held up with string and her robe has rips from where the cats used it for a scratching post. She yawns, causing all the assembled sock critters to gasp and choke.

"Lucifer's lips!" Satan gags. "Brush much?"

Stan waves a paw in front of his nose. "Garlic pizza for breakfast?"

Kande snarls at them. "Three days ago is the answer to both of those questions. What's going on here?"

The sock critters gather themselves a respectable distance from her. "We're celebrities."

"Celebrities! Since when?" Kande barks.

"Let's see," Stan starts counting on his fingers. "Heidi sent her newsletter out last Thursday. The Iowa contigent of fans should have received it on Saturday. Any day now we're expecting a huge number of people reading and commenting on her the Sock Sisters blog."

"Hell-oooooo out there!" Satan bellows suddenly. "I'm the best looking Sock! And the most fun!"

"It's not like they're in the room, dinglebutt," Kande giggles.

All the Sock critters look around. "Oh, they're out there," Stan informs her in a hushed voice. "They're lurking right now. I'm sure we'll receive compliments any minute now."

"Comments, not compliments." Realizing that even now friends and family members might be judging her, Kande closes her robe and wishes she'd thought to shave her legs and cut her toe talons. "I'm off to take a shower."

"Close the door this time!" Satan hollers after her. "I just had breakfast."