I Can't Believe You Don't Quote Me Verbatim

Heidi wanders out to the kitchen where Kande is banging pots and pans. "What'd you want when I was watching Cranford?" Kande had tried to interrupt her in the middle of a very sad part, and Heidi wasn't having any of it. She was tired of people interrupting her in the middle of movies.

"Lynn loved the book "Eat, Pray, Love" and I wanted to know if you'd read it," Kande snidely informed her as she banged the stew pot on the counter. "But, nooooo. You had to be rude and tell me to go away."

"Of course I've read it. I recommended it in my Christmas letter. Didn't you read it?"

"Yeeeessss," Kande says, ducking under the counter.

"Oh. My. God. You did not. You did not read my Christmas letter!"

"I did," Kande comes back up for air, her face red. "I just can't remember what it said."

Satan, who had been watching the two from the corner, now made himself known by slamming his little sock hands on the table. "This is why we're not celebrities. Your Christmas letter isn't memorable."

Now it's Heidi's turn to be redfaced. "Oh yeah? How many Christmas letters do YOU get that mention cursing, recommend books, and talk about Sock Critters?"

Satan tsk's. "Socks don't send Christmas letters. We can't reach the mailbox."

The others add their two cents, all except Dave. He actually had received two Christmas letters. One from his friend Gabriel, and the other from Jesus. Jesus had sent him a birthday card with a picture of a nativity scene on the front. Inside it had said "Happy Birthday to me!" and invited Dave to a rockin' party in Heaven, but unfortunately the little demon had gotten stopped at the gates and not allowed in.