Kande Gets Married

Heidi arrives at Kande's house with a sock crew in tow. Jiggling the lock with a wirepick she happened to borrow from KS -- the assassin sock -- she manages to break the doorknob and then kicks in the door.

"OK gang," She says an hour later, once she'd managed to get her foot extracted from the bottom of the screen door she'd kicked to splinters. "We're here on a reconnaissance. Bubba should be around here somewhere."

All the socks knew Bubba, the little alien Kande had taken in and treated like a slave when his spaceship had crashed in the poison ivy haven that was her backyard. It was Bubba who had nursed them through the initial shock of being sewn into being, and Bubba who released them into independence in Sockville when Kande would have preferred to turn them into sweatshop socks. All the socks carried the "Intergalactic Guide to Alien Hand Gestures" so they could communicate with Bubba. Both Kande and Heidi knew that Bubba used hand signals to communicate, but they preferred instead to intuit what he meant rather than sit down and memorize the book. This had led to many disastrous and occasionally hilarious miscommunications. Bubba actually preferred the ignorance, as it made his quest to take over the world easier.

"Bubba! Oh, Bubba Lou! Where are you?" Heidi warbled as she gingerly stepped over the sock guts, thread, and needles that were strewn all over the floor. "This is weird," she muttered to herself. "It looks like there was a massacre in here."

The socks remained by the door. It was looking more and more like a crimescene. It was a good thing that Kande and her S.O. had travelled to California to get married. No telling what would have happened to them if they'd stayed.

"Hey!" Heidi turned around and saw the socks huddling by the door. "Bubba won't eat you guys," she said soothingly. "He just eats cats." Her eyes widened. The cats! Of course Bubba would have gone after the cats. She strode to the door in two steps and started shoving socks towards entryways. "Shoo! Go! Search! I think Bubba's made a mess going after the cats."

The socks scattered. Several of them went to play basketball with the monkeys. A few of them started doing resuscitation efforts on one of Kande's bike socks laying by the couch. After a few minutes of enduring the stench, they all started reeling and gasping, falling on their backs on the floor. Heidi watched for a moment, shaking her head. "Oh for Pete's sake. I'll find Bubba by myself."

Suddenly, a shout is heard. "He's in here! I found him!" Heidi and the socks rush into the bedroom, where Bubba is lying on the bed wearing Kande's robe and a cat tail starting to disappear into his little mouth. Heidi grabbed him and started shaking him violently.

"Spit it out, you little green viper!" Bubba made a hurling sound and a very wet and very angry cat is hurled across the room, scattering the socks like bowling pins.

"Ooh, just wait until I get you home," Heidi growls at the little alien.